Today I have been feeling, there are so many things I wish I have done.
I am about to have my next birthday, and a big one. I'm soon going to be 30. And as I look in the mirror, I smile and think to myself, boy I'm glad I don't look 30. But I feel at the same time, I have lost a lot of precious time, as if I was way older than 30.
Ok. Motherhood doesn't help when you want to be out and about, but it sure can't stop you forever.
I have goals and dreams like everyone else and I hope I can achieve them one day. I had achieved some of them but there is always a new road to take. And unlike many, I think I reached a point where I am tired of excuses and self sabotage.
I am starting to believe the only way to defeat our demons is facing reality as is. Stop telling yourself lies, open your eyes and stop thinking you don't have it in you.
You might be thinking, how to discern from my own lies? how to stop constant mutilation of the self? How to make it where I see so much competition?.
Well here is my "Monkey see Monkey do", but hopefully poignant tips of how to deal with this.
1. Do not believe all that your eyes see.
Yes, as in, please don't think, the girl in the magazine was born like the picture shows. Don't believe dreams can be bought in a store like now days advertising does to everyone else. Don't believe that woman got the better job because she simple looks that knows better than you. Don't believe the geekiest chick in class is really that smart. ( in my case, the one from my class had cheated all the time. wow, boy was that a surprise when we found out.) So, it never really is like it seems, so don't let appearances stop you to advance.
2. Do not hear stubborn people, and that includes that stubborn inner you.
Sometimes we are our biggest enemy. Yes, it hurts when others come and hurt us, but most of the time that also triggers a natural instinct reaction of proving them wrong, a survival instinct that propels us like animals to shred others apart. But what about you? what happens when you hear a voice inside, that tells you "all the time" things like "you're never going to make it", or "you are not good enough"?.
We can't simply kill that.... Is US. It's you!. How can you attack yourself ? if anything that's not natural at all... and that's why we keep listening... forever trapped in a 'good you-bad you dynamic'. Well, you don't have to stop hearing, but start listening to that bad-self, and realize most of it is just plain FEAR talking itself out. Is simply junk that emerges only secretly, when nobody else can know about, when that good best friend of yours is not around to defend you; it only comes out in your thoughts. But like ying and yang. There is no bad without good. You also happen to have a good self. A good voice inside that has praised you in the past, and can always do so in the future. He/she can be and is your good friend if you let it, it is the person you should be listening carefully, since it holds the real truth of what you've done.
3. Do not talk without thinking first.
And this is a very important one. Not all of us have the precious gift of speaking. Therefore, you shall see it as gift. Not because you can open your mouth and eat you spend all of your day with food inside your mouth, right?. So not because you can talk, it means you should.
It is very important you take your time to speak, as if opening your mouth was opening a chest with a treasure soon to be revealed inside. What others hear from you, is what you are for them. And when you have nothing good to say: try to always remember that sometimes the kindest word is the one left unsaid.
Alrighty then, is time to go, but I truly believe if you keep in mind this monkey-do goals, although will not be easy, slowly you will find yourself happier and more secure. Willing to only work harder to reach your full potential and finally BE YOURSELF.
Peace,
Midna
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