Even in her youth. (Happy new year 2012!!)

Ahh, new year's eve.

A wholesome day for celebration. Leaving the past behind and start the new year feeling...well, it's all new. The past is over, it's a new moment in life. People love the feeling of starting over. Of a new chance. A new beginning.

But I don't feel like celebrating. It just so happens, a good friend of mine died last-night.

It's hard to be cheerful right now, and even more so, to want to move on so quickly... as if I wanted to forget what happen the last day of 2011 is/was unfair to his memory.

Definitely, is one of the worse years of my life. And I am glad is ending... but...then I wondered to myself, had he died the 1st day of 2012, would I have look at the rest of 2012 in gloom? Would I see it as the year he died and be unable to get over it?

And I answered to myself yes.. I would have!!... and I REALIZED instantly how stupid it is to or would have been to do so.

I realize, my friend would have wanted me to think differently about life, to live with more hope and joy, than dwelling on the bad sides of it. And to move on, or at least, start moving on.

Boy, he was such a serious guy at first, and always kinda quiet. To the point you couldn't read him. But I honestly can't tell you how much he made me feel "welcomed" when even 'closer friends' didn't and/or never had.

I did spent a while thinking about this feeling.

And so, I decided in honor of his legacy, I am truly going to welcome the new year with warming love, quietly, but present love. I'll be remembering my friend and at the same time, hoping I meet more people like him, that embraced others regardless of who they were, where they came from, or where they were planning to go.

Here is to the new year, regardless of where is planning to go.

CHEERS

Ho Ho Ho Everyone!

So as Christmas is quickly approaching. And I'm typing this, I do wonder, what are your Chrismas' like now? How were your Christmas when you were a kid?

Mine today are not the best since I left my hermosa familia back in México since I decided to come and work in the USA, six years ago. You know... being Mexican is great, being Mexican in 'Gringo-land' during the Holidays... Not so much.

One of my first Christmas experiences was an eye-opener. I always knew there was people that just "don't get it" and that in the USA most of the vibe was very commercialized. (and I'm not saying everyone is like that in here, NOT AT ALL!) But duuuuude, did I got the shock of my life when I watched those kids (my political nephews/nieces) opening present after present, after present, topping easily 9 or 10 gifts per kid, and then screaming in discontent after the last one was unwrapped : "that's all?!" "aren't there anymore?!". It totally sent me back to my Christmas'...There I was sitted on the couch of their fancy high celing house, with an extremely high natural Christmas tree lost in my thoughts back in my house in México, thinking that after having a nice Christmas eve dinner of either Tamalitos, Menudo, Roasted Chicken (and always Frijolitos a La Charra) I will go to sleep around 9, unable to sleep until 2 am getting up as early as I possible could, knowing, there will be ONE present waiting in there for me. One, the one I long waited almost half of the year. My emotions could not be topped, I would almost sweat thinking I could finally have it, and play with it.

And once I got that present open , I'd realize it wasn't exactly what I asked for.

I remember being a kid, I'd justify Santa Claus. I'd think, with somewhat small disappointment: "ah well...Santa couldn't find what I asked for... well, at least he got me something that is kinda like it."

I used to keep the boxes of my gifts, and most of the wrapping paper that could get saved (and keep them neat, just saved somehwere) To me, all of it was part of the gift. It all had huge value.

To not make the story long, this happen to me each consecutive year until I was too old to receive gifts from Santa.

In one instant ,I'd be back from my memories, again watching what I could not believe... Kids stepping on their own toys, unhappily treating other toys because they weren't what they liked... the boxes were mere trash, also the wrapping paper...

Well, I indeed was irked. You might be asking yourself, if I said something, but I decided not to, since they were not my kids, and probably would be highly inappropriate to share whatever I had to share.

Instead I decided that, regardless of how many gifts I could provide to my own kids the day I had them, I will then teach them about appreciation, about what the HOLIDAYS really meant.

My DD is only 3 years, but I already can tell now that I am a mother, that kids are simple their parents reflect.

And there is a long way to go, but I am not going to stop in working really hard to give my kid all that she needs EMOTIONALLY forever.

A home filled with love, not with presents.

Cheers, and I wish you to have the happiest christmas, full of health and love.

Midna

Monkey see, Monkey do. How long have you been hiding in yourself?

Hi, dear anon.

Today I have been feeling, there are so many things I wish I have done.

I am about to have my next birthday, and a big one. I'm soon going to be 30. And as I look in the mirror, I smile and think to myself, boy I'm glad I don't look 30. But I feel at the same time, I have lost a lot of precious time, as if I was way older than 30.

Ok. Motherhood doesn't help when you want to be out and about, but it sure can't stop you forever.

I have goals and dreams like everyone else and I hope I can achieve them one day. I had achieved some of them but there is always a new road to take. And unlike many, I think I reached a point where I am tired of excuses and self sabotage.

I am starting to believe the only way to defeat our demons is facing reality as is. Stop telling yourself lies, open your eyes and stop thinking you don't have it in you.

You might be thinking, how to discern from my own lies? how to stop constant mutilation of the self? How to make it where I see so much competition?.

Well here is my "Monkey see Monkey do", but hopefully poignant tips of how to deal with this.

1. Do not believe all that your eyes see.

Yes, as in, please don't think, the girl in the magazine was born like the picture shows. Don't believe dreams can be bought in a store like now days advertising does to everyone else. Don't believe that woman got the better job because she simple looks that knows better than you. Don't believe the geekiest chick in class is really that smart. ( in my case, the one from my class had cheated all the time. wow, boy was that a surprise when we found out.) So, it never really is like it seems, so don't let appearances stop you to advance.

2. Do not hear stubborn people, and that includes that stubborn inner you.

Sometimes we are our biggest enemy. Yes, it hurts when others come and hurt us, but most of the time that also triggers a natural instinct reaction of proving them wrong, a survival instinct that propels us like animals to shred others apart. But what about you? what happens when you hear a voice inside, that tells you "all the time" things like "you're never going to make it", or "you are not good enough"?.
We can't simply kill that.... Is US. It's you!. How can you attack yourself ? if anything that's not natural at all... and that's why we keep listening... forever trapped in a 'good you-bad you dynamic'. Well, you don't have to stop hearing, but start listening to that bad-self, and realize most of it is just plain FEAR talking itself out. Is simply junk that emerges only secretly, when nobody else can know about, when that good best friend of yours is not around to defend you; it only comes out in your thoughts. But like ying and yang. There is no bad without good. You also happen to have a good self. A good voice inside that has praised you in the past, and can always do so in the future. He/she can be and is your good friend if you let it, it is the person you should be listening carefully, since it holds the real truth of what you've done.

3. Do not talk without thinking first.

And this is a very important one. Not all of us have the precious gift of speaking. Therefore, you shall see it as gift. Not because you can open your mouth and eat you spend all of your day with food inside your mouth, right?. So not because you can talk, it means you should.

It is very important you take your time to speak, as if opening your mouth was opening a chest with a treasure soon to be revealed inside. What others hear from you, is what you are for them. And when you have nothing good to say: try to always remember that sometimes the kindest word is the one left unsaid.



Alrighty then, is time to go, but I truly believe if you keep in mind this monkey-do goals, although will not be easy, slowly you will find yourself happier and more secure. Willing to only work harder to reach your full potential and finally BE YOURSELF.

Peace,


Midna

New Year's Resolutions.

This may be just a test post and my first. But it is also the start of one of my New Years resolutions.

  I know you may be thinking, "aren't those usually wrote by the end of the year and start being tackled once the new one comes?".
 Well, usually, yes. But the f*** with tradition. I'm tired of always "starting when is time". Instead, I decided I really want to start ahead, and cut the excuses of when should things be done, and just do them.

  This past year 2011, honestly, was one of the worst years in my life. Nope. I'm not just a cry-baby, it was in fact, ridiculously bad. I spent most of the year with horrible thoughts in my head, and I spent most of it wishing it was over.

 Close to the end of the year I realized even when the worst of the worst was happening to me and my family... Well, I still had one. A great one. In fact, if anything I can say without trying to sound presumptuous about it , my family is a blessing.

    They are the reason I never gave up, and secretly between you and I, I also know I got extra strength from above.   No, is not strength that you get from a top shelf in a supermarket, no.  You know what I am talking about.  Believer or not,  there is always strength to find in many places, you might not have the best family, or friends, you might be passing the most horrible month of your life, but with this post and blog, I want to reach as much people as possible, and give them hope. (any!)

 There is always hope somewhere, but you won't be able to see when you are suffering.

 Perspective, is the key word. Have you heard about the glass half full or half empty?. Well cliché or not, it does matters big what your perspective of things is. And this year, even tho had bad bumps, had great joys for me.  I am gonna go straight ahead and post my happy perspective about what are the resolutions I don't have to make!! (yes! the ones that I do NOT, you read it right!) and why I am happy to write them down shall be somewhat obvious. Here I go:

  1) I do not have to involve in diets or things like that.
  2) I do not have to stop smoking, because I don't.
  3) I don't have to really work out, giving I have a 3 yr. old
  4) I don't have to worry about quit drinking either.
  5) Spend more time with my family (since it's always a must to a family oriented person like me)
  6) Eat healthier (thanks to my parents)


And the resolutions that I did want to make, also from a very happy perspective.

   1) Stop procrastination in all possible forms and levels.
   2) Learn something new every month.
   3) Walk around town and smile to people.
   4) Go sledding (which I've never done, but don't blame it doesn't snow where I am from, but it does where I live now)
  5) Involve in community , volunteer.
  6) Find a way to travel more, regardless if it's local.


  What do you guys think? Do you have any resolutions already in your head? Are you planning to wait to 2012... or you want to start tackling them like I do?.


 Cheers!

 ---Midna